Alana Rosenbaum, a journalist from Melbourne, Australia got interested in the "chastity" controversy in Tamil Nadu that began after my interview with actor Kushboo appeared in India Today-Tamil edition dt. 28th September 2005. Alana is now doing a research on the subject talking to all the people involved in the controversy. I reproduce the column that sparked off
the great "Chastity" debate.
COLUMN WHAT KHUSHBOO REALLY SAID
Chastity is Becoming Outdated
Women in Chennai were lagging behind Bangalore in expressing sexual desires. But Chennai women are now coming out of hibernation. I see a lot of women going out, in pubs and discos here. Women are able to talk about sex without inhibition. Given our conservative Indian backdrop, women are slowly coming out. But I do have questions about this women liberation when cases like Stefani's accident are happening (this girl was chased and killed by drunken youth after a night party in a Chennai hotel). But at the same time, I think sex education is a must in our schools. When the schools fail to teach sex, parents should educate their children about sex. In my opinion, sex is not only related to body; it's got a lot to do with our minds. I can't understand how some girls could change their boyfriends every Friday. When a girl is sure about her boyfriend she can tell her parents that she's going out with him. When the girl has a serious relationship the parents should also allow it. Our society should liberate itself from such ideas that the brides should all be virgins at the time of marriage. No educated man will expect his bride to be virgin at the time of marriage. But when indulging in pre-marital sex, the girl should guard herself against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
I married a guy who I love. As we were sure about our relationship, we lived together even before marriage. Now it is six years since we got married. As we have two kids, our responsibilities have increased. As our children sleep in the same bedroom, my husband and me should find time for ourselves. But still our sex life is enjoyable. Married couples should be able to give each other happiness physically also. Satisfying each other is happiness. When they understand the other person's sexual desires, there won't be any problems in married life. Some couples make use of pornography to add spice to their sex lives. I don't see anything wrong with that. At the same time each one should understand the other person's likes and dislikes; comfort and discomfort levels. When women express their sexual desires they are looked down upon. This attitude should change. Sex is about two minds.
(As told to Peer Mohamed)
This guest column by Khushboo appeared on page No. 23 of INDIA TODAY's Tamil edition, issue dated September 28, 2005.